I am an odd being.
If the universe is a mirror, full of micro and macro images, I am compelled to look inward for my responsibility for this place in which I find my soul.
I’m not a joiner. I have thoughts and ideas that align somewhat closely with others, but not perfectly. I’m always just on the outside. Our missions are similar. But I️ am rarely an indoctrinated member of any group.
I crave community but my spirit and soul are so sensitive that the age old battle for self-confidence gets renewed with each interaction, and I have yet to master the transition from highly critical of self to “situationally aware, but ok”.
So, I regularly see my place as being on the periphery of movements and actions. It’s an interesting space to be in.
I️ am watching the community stumble through an era of monumental change. Spiritual, emotional, psychological change. The external forces are in onslaught mode and folks are just trying to keep up. I don’t think many are aware of how much change is going on, but some can see and sense and try to hang on.
My ability to stay grounded in this time and space is being massively challenged and, sadly, I’m not doing as well as hoped for. I don’t understand why we dislike each other so much. The seams of the sacramental cloth that binds us are being plucked out, word by word, and I’m not innocent.
But that guilt persists without regard for whether I’m in physical space with someone or not. My arrows are mental and emotional and potentially deadly whether they leave the bow or stay at rest.
This is part of the reason why I️ so often find myself practicing activism in solitude. I’m not yet master of my power and still vulnerable to the ill-used and randomly exerted powers of others.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. But some days, the mantra goes “nothing ventured, no psychic wounds to heal, and another day to grow”.