the guilt of being ill

for the last couple of weeks, I have been ill with a bad virus. It has affected all aspects of my life. I cannot think properly. My spirit is weakened. It has been a really inconvenient time to be ill. A guilt has taken root, attached to having succumbed to this virus.

guilt for not being able to stand with the Water Warriors when they blocked the gates; for not being 100% at home; guilt for not being at work as fully as I needed to be; guilt for having to bail on friends;

the emotions and energies surrounding me right now are not conducive to powerful writing, so i haven’t put any time into doing so – this is a blessing and a curse. I am not putting words out into the world that will harm or degrade, but I’m also not putting out good energy into the world….

momma always said, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. i just needed to write something…..i need to cry, is really what needs to happen

i need to mourn. my heart is broken to pieces by all the shallow, callous and dark things coming up into the world. and i know that those shallow, callous and dark things are part of me….i own pieces of that….it is my responsibility.

i need to mourn. my heart is crying.

only by mourning will i hope to heal.

Published by

Twylia (the 'i' is silent)

~ I am Anishinaabe-kwe with Scottish heritage and Sami DNA. I speak on the behalf of no one but myself. My ancestors inform and guide me. My voice is but one of many who are calling for change. We have much work to do to create a good space for the real human beings who are waiting to be born.

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